"Alright, Mr. 'I want to know, but I want to pretend not to want to know.' Let's talk about what the Mayans believed." Tuck's eyes came to life at the chance to talk about his passion: ancient weird shit.

He cracked his knuckles and began what would surely be a long and winding road through Mayan history. "Let's start with the calendar. The ancient Mayans didn't use years. It started with something called a b'ak'tun."

"What's a b'ak'tun?" I immediately asked.

"A b'ak'tun is a unit of time equal to 20 k'atuns," Tuck replied.

"Well then, what's a k'atun?" I countered.

"A k'atun is made up of 20 tuns." Tuck seemed to enjoy this game.

Alright, Tuck, I'll play along. "What's a tun?"

"A tun is 18 winals," Tuck said. I had no idea how he could keep track of all these units so easily.

My next question, obviously, was "What's a winal?"

"A winal is 20 k'ins," he responded, with a smile starting to grow on his face.

I was getting pretty exasperated at this point. "So what's a k'in?"

"Well, a k'in is 20 matta," he said, while appearing to be holding back an urge to laugh.

"Jesus, what's a matta?" I snapped.

"Nothing, what's a matta with you?" I can't believe I walked into that. Now he laughed until he turned red in the face and almost fell over. "Holy shit Jack, I can't believe I pulled a Latka on you!"

"OK, you got me, Tuck. Way to go on applying your excessive knowledge of 'Taxi' to real world situations. Now, if you're quite finished, can we return to the matter at hand? You know, doomsday, end of the world, does any of this sound even vaguely important to you?"

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