Frank ignored my question, apparently finding the 2012 phenomenon more interesting than the reason he disrupted my peaceful night.

"Nothing has happened yet, O unfaithful one, because the real 2012 hasn't started yet. All that other stuff was just the warm-up for what happens tonight. December 21st was calculated by the Mayans like a million years ago, and there's no way they could be wrong. No way dude! They're the best people EVAH! They invented corn, and volleyball, and language, and art, and the pyramids, and pottery, and hieroglyphics, and the number zero, and just about everything we use today. They even created the whole galaxy in six days, and on the seventh day they rested. Mayans rule!"

He's just a late bloomer, I said to myself as I pounded my fist into my skull. He's just a late bloomer, he's just a late bloomer, he's just a late bloomer.

"Frank, just calm down," I pleaded. "You sound hysterical. Just take a deep breath. I'm no expert on the ancient Mayan civilization, but I'm pretty sure that most of what you just said is wrong. And it doesn't matter right now anyway. Now why did you want to talk?"

Frank ignored my question once again. "Dude, I might not have a Ph.D. in Mayan studies or whatever, but the one indisputable fact I know is that they swore to blow up the world in 2012. We're all going to die! God loves you! He's going to kill you! This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius! The Age of Aquarius...Aquarius! Aquarius!"

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