Early scientists thought that the only purpose of REM sleep was to exercise your eyes, but that sounds pretty stupid when you think about it. You can exercise your eyes while you're awake, such as when you're watching tennis, or perhaps moderating a fast-paced debate between people on either side of you.

Fortunately, scientists eventually became less clueless, paving the path for today, when science is finally starting to proudly emerge from the shadows of ignorance. But even now, the function of REM sleep still isn't fully understood. But we do know that if normal sleep is like saving your open documents, then REM sleep is like defragging your hard drive.

And REM sleep is one of my favorite weapons as a mesothelioma lawyer. When I'm up against a brick wall, I write down my thoughts, lie down, enter REM sleep, wake up, see my notes in a new light, and await an epiphany.

That's what I was trying to do now. But in actuality, I was only looking at my notes and trying to remember why I had written them. They made no sense.

I could barely even read my exhaustion-induced chicken scratch. All I could make out was "Eastmost penninsula is the secret," "Dodongo dislikes smoke," "10th enemy has the bomb," and "Did you get the sword from the old man on top of the waterfall?" Oh well, the epiphany thing doesn't always work.

Why was I in such need of an epiphany? Well, I'm a mesothelioma attorney at the law firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. In a town full of firms that specialize in mesothelioma settlements, this is the big kahuna. Don't get me wrong, there are many top notch firms here. But if you asked people who was the biggest, the oldest, the most respected, the most feared, and the most successful, 51% of them would say Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.

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